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The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience, by Martin E. P. Seligman

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The epidemic of depression in America strikes 30% of all children. Now Martin E. P. Seligman, the best-selling author of Learned Optimism, and his colleagues offer parents and educators a program clinically proven to cut that risk in half. With this startling new research, parents can teach children to apply optimism skills that can curb depression, boost school performance, and improve physical health. These skills provide children with the resilience they need to approach the teenage years and adulthood with confidence. Over the last thirty years the self-esteem movement has infiltrated American homes and classrooms with the credo that supplying positive feedback, regardless of the quality of performance, will make children feel better about themselves. But in this era of raising our children to feel good, the hard truth is that they have never been more depressed. As Dr. Seligman writes in this provocative new book, "Our children are experiencing pessimism, sadness, and passivity on

• Sales Rank: #54304 in Books
• Brand: Brand: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
• Published on: 2007-09-17
• Released on: 2007-09-17
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 8.25" h x .88" w x 5.50" l, .79 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

From Publishers Weekly
According to noted psychologist Seligman (Learned Optimism), 30% of American children suffer from depression. Further, his studies demonstrate that "pessimistic children are at much higher risk for becoming depressed than optimistic children." His mission here is to teach parents and other concerned adults how to instill in children a sense of optimism and personal mastery. Seligman discounts prevalent theory that children who are encouraged by others to feel good about themselves will do well. Instead, he proposes that self-esteem comes from mastering challenges, overcoming frustration and experiencing individual achievement. In clear, concise prose peppered with anecdotes, dialogues, cartoons and exercises, Seligman offers a concrete plan of action based on techniques of self-evaluation and social interaction. He describes the development of the Penn Depression Prevention Program, in which school kids are taught ways to divest themselves of pessimistic approaches and adopt optimistic ones, and adapts it to home use by parents. While a few of the exercises may seem daunting to parents, this encouraging volume moves beyond popular self-help tomes and ideology to offer hope and practical suggestions; it will be of great value to teachers as well. First serial rights to Ladies' Home Journal and Parents magazine; author tour.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review
This title is unique in its scope and content: depression-proofing a child through helping them challenge pessimistic thoughts. This isn't just a pop concept: Seligman has studied depression for three decades and his program is based on a long-term research project. -- Midwest Book Review

About the Author
Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. He is the author of several books, including Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness. He is past president of the American Psychological Association as well as the division of clinical psychology of the American Psychological Association, and former director of clinical training in psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

Most helpful customer reviews

108 of 110 people found the following review helpful.
Maybe it's Mistitled, but it's GREAT
By Kathleen Day
I don't disagree entirely with the one-star reviewer--optimism is hardly the answer to all of society's problems. However, as the parent of a son who often shows signs of inheriting ... depression ..., I found this book to be a proactive alternative to the little lectures on over-reacting to situations that I had been giving! I explain the steps Seligman suggests as games we play to prepare him for middle school and they get him thinking about the control he can exert in his own perceptions (this is a skill often not acquired until late adolescence, if ever). Finally, some support for at-risk kids! I only wish more parents were aware of the influence their behavior wields--this book helps both parent and child increase self-understanding. Other books on childhood depression depend too heavily on explaining available medication--THANK YOU, Mr. Seligman, for offering concrete advice on drug-free depression-prevention.

112 of 115 people found the following review helpful.
Optimism-an Emotional Intelligence Competency That Works
By Susan Dunn
I'm an Emotional Intelligence coach. I work with adults teaching them EQ competencies, including optimism, and I've seen it work wonders! Since reading this book, I've been teaching it to children with the same results. It's particularly important in children with high IQs. Their propensity to perceive more deeply, and their perfectionism made them set-up for depression. They can get into trouble with their thinking (can't we all!). Seligman's theory works, if you take the time to understand it and follow his instructions. The essence of optimism is not the upward cycle, but being able to avoid the downward spiral when a disappointment, loss or failure occurs. It's a way of thinking that can be changed. Would you like to live 19% longer, enjoy better health, be more likely to fulfill your potential ... all this backed by Seligman's years of research ... and wouldn't you want this for your child?

65 of 71 people found the following review helpful.
Effective in helping middle school parents and children
By Jorge Munoz-Bustamante, LCSW
I am a 6th grade counselor in a private school. After reading this book I used it to prepare a workshop and to help several families abandon child management systems that were highly stressful and unproductive. The workshop got very high ratings and requests for follow ups. Several families reported a significant improvement in their quality of life following interventions based on Dr. Seligman's ideas.

I believe that Dr. Seligman has good intentions when he applies this book to depression but that this emphasis limits the book's potential. It has much broader value and can help almost any family improve the middle school and teen years experience. I am looking forward to helping many more members of our community with the use of this tool.

If you are having difficulty with the 11 to 15 year old developmental process or you just simply want to look at some really good ideas this is a book for you. It is an easy read and well detailed. Enjoy!

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[D715.Ebook] Download Ebook The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No, by William Ury

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No is perhaps the most important and certainly the most powerful word in the language. Every day we find ourselves in situations where we need to say No–to people at work, at home, and in our communities–because No is the word we must use to protect ourselves and to stand up for everything and everyone that matters to us.

But as we all know, the wrong No can also destroy what we most value by alienating and angering people. That’s why saying No the right way is crucial. The secret to saying No without destroying relationships lies in the art of the Positive No, a proven technique that anyone can learn.

This indispensable book gives you a simple three-step method for saying a Positive No. It will show you how to assert and defend your key interests; how to make your No firm and strong; how to resist the other side’s aggression and manipulation; and how to do all this while still getting to Yes. In the end, the Positive No will help you get not just to any Yes but to the right Yes, the one that truly serves your interests.

Based on William Ury’s celebrated Harvard University course for managers and professionals, The Power of a Positive No offers concrete advice and practical examples for saying No in virtually any situation. Whether you need to say No to your customer or your coworker, your employee or your CEO, your child or your spouse, you will find in this book the secret to saying No clearly, respectfully, and effectively.

In today’s world of high stress and limitless choices, the pressure to give in and say Yes grows greater every day, producing overload and overwork, expanding e-mail and eroding ethics. Never has No been more needed. A Positive No has the power to profoundly transform our lives by enabling us to say Yes to what counts–our own needs, values, and priorities.

Understood this way, No is the new Yes. And the Positive No may be the most valuable life skill you’ll ever learn!


From the Hardcover edition.

• Sales Rank: #24797 in Books
• Brand: Brand: Bantam
• Published on: 2007-12-26
• Released on: 2007-12-26
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 8.18" h x .58" w x 5.50" l, .48 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 272 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

From Publishers Weekly
Twenty-five years after the publication of the bestselling Getting to Yes, Ury addresses the other side of the coin, but his version of "No" is not a simple rejection. "A Positive No begins with Yes and ends with Yes," he says, because it defines the nay-sayer's self-interests and paves the way for a continued relationship. Ury delineates this "Yes! No. Yes?" pattern recursively, so that each step is itself another three-part process. In addition to drawing on his own experiences as a negotiator for conflicts in countries like Chechnya and Venezuela, and the historical examples of activists like Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi, he shows how his principles can be used in the home and the workplace. He even throws in a few literary precedents, citing Melville's Bartleby the Scrivener, whose repetition of the phrase "I would prefer not to" is cited as a "simple and admirable" method of polite refusal. Some of Ury's advice, like describing how another's actions make you feel rather than attacking the action, may strike the more cynical minded as touchy-feely, but his reminders to consider the other person's perspective while asserting your own position create a clear, unambiguous path to win-win situations. (Mar. 6)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review
"William Ury brings a marvelous blend of experience, insight, integrity and warmth to his work. In this wonderful book he teaches us how to say No—with grace and effect—so that we might create even better Yes".—Jim Collins, author Good to Great

"Almost any brief comment on The Power of a Positive No would be trite. Suffice it to say that if I'd had and used this book for the last 25 years, I would have doubtless avoided innumerable heartaches and headaches and tattered personal and professional relationships. 'Original' is an embarrassingly overused word on book dust jackets, but, simply, this all-important book stands alone on a subject that underpins, like no other, jndividual and organizational effectiveness."—Tom Peters, author of In search of Excellence

"The world's biggest shared secret is that most of us say yes when we really want to say no, in both our professional and private lives. Bill Ury generously provides us with insights and techniques to turn this malady into win-win solutions. This is a wise and powerful book."—John Naisbitt, author of Megatrends

"No matter whether you are negotiating compensation with the toughest CFO or a curfew for your teenager, this book teaches us a critical and counterintuitive lesson.  You can say no and still be nice.  Simple, straightforward and easy to read, The Power of a Positive No is a YES on our reading list."—Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval, authors of The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness


From the Hardcover edition.

About the Author
A world-renowned negotiator, mediator, and bestselling author, William Ury directs the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University. Over the last thirty years he has helped millions of people, hundreds of organizations, and numerous countries at war reach satisfying agreements.


From the Hardcover edition.

Most helpful customer reviews

61 of 61 people found the following review helpful.
Root your No in a deeper Yes
By Coert Visser
William Ury is the co-author of the well-known book Getting to YES. In this book he explains how he has come to realize that getting to yes is only half of the picture. Ury even says that "whether and how we say No determines the very quality of our lives." The reason is that word No is indispensible whenever you have to stand up for what really matters to you.Certain situations can create tension between an issue which is important to you and a relatinoship that is also important to you. This tension can make us fall into the three-A trap of Accomodation (saying yes when we mean No), Attacking (responding forcefully) and Avoiding (doing nothing at all). Ury presents the positive No as a way out. In short this means:

1. Yes! -> positively and concretely describing your core interests and values

2. No. -> explicitely link your no to this YES!

3. Yes? -> suggest another positive outcome or agreement to the other person

Ury goes into much detail about how to prepare, deliver, and follow through your positive No. His style of wrting is crystal clear and his examples are interesting. Some examples are probably very recognizable to many readers (like: how do you say to someone who wants to borrow money from you when you don't want to). Other examples are much grander (how to negotiate in an inter-ethnic conflict) and also interesting. The core idea of this book is very simple and very important. I was perhaps most interested to read Chapter 2 which explain the importance of a Plan B, which is your backup for your prefered outcome. I'll end this review with a quote by the great No-sayer Mahatma Gandhi (which is mentiond on page 7): "A `No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a `Yes' merely uttered to please or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

41 of 43 people found the following review helpful.
Saying no in a positive way
By M. L Lamendola
The title isn't a cute play on words. This book really does reveal how to say "no" in a positive way. Some people think saying no is negative behavior, without recognizing the reality that failing to saying no (when you should) can do immense harm. Some people think that getting your way ("winning") is what matters, and they render their "no" in a way that diminishes their own position and everyone involved.

The first view is disrespectful to yourself and dishonest toward the other person. The latter is disrespectful to the other person and dishonest toward yourself. Neither view takes into consideration that two parties have their own needs and agendas to meet. When one side loses, both lose.

A third way, which Ury reveals, is honest and respectful to both parties. Consequently, it leads to a positive outcome for both parties. Sometimes, it's a matter of leaving a door open. You may have worked with someone who quit and came back several times over the course of many years--how did that person manage to say no to your employer and yet leave the door open to being rehired later? A "no" doesn't need to inflict negative results--it can provide positive results. How that happens is the subject of this book, and Ury provides many examples to show how this works.

In fact, one example from this book was a verbatim suggestion given to me by a business associate just last year. In a pre-sale message, we needed to tell a customer no to some features he wanted. I had sent my associate my planned reply, and she came back with a suggestion--it was a softener to the no, one that left the door open without tying us down. The customer was delighted with my modified reply, and I closed the sale. After the sale, I compared both replies and saw that my original, while not patently offensive, didn't leave the door open and could easily have left the customer feeling cold.

Recognizing these kinds of gems in this book helped reinforce to me the credibility of the author. Yes, he already came with plenty of high-end credentials, as a quick online search on "William Ury" reveals. But what really grabbed me was the substance of the book. Here's a subject we all have to deal with, on various levels, but we find it so hard and so frustrating to get it right. We find ourselves constantly choosing between saying yes to have harmony and saying no to protect our interests. But we don't need to be in that position. It's not an either/or choice.

You can say no to someone's (offer, demand, viewpoint, preference, plans) in a way that leaves that other person feeling better for the exchange, and thus enhances the relationship. You can refuse a customer's demands and not lose the sale or watch future sales evaporate. You can tell your spouse no (to that golf outing, new car, cruise) and not start a fight. You can tell your child no to going to (name the place) without getting an argument or temper tantrum in return. You can tell your boss no to yet another (assignment, transfer, trip, seminar) without sinking your career advancement. How you say no allows you to do these things. And that is what Ury addresses from his years of experience in negotiations.

As I read through this book, time and again I found myself nodding, "Yes, that's exactly right." Other times, I found myself thinking, "So, that's how I should have handled (name the circumstance)!" or "I can see how this works better than the way I normally do it."

Many times, I have said no to someone or disagreed with someone, only to be surprised that the other person is offended. I may have said, "This is wrong," but the other person heard, "You are wrong." You can say no to the proposal without saying no to the person. Yury explains how to do this.

It's a powerful skill, and not just in business. For example, have you fought with a friend or family member over something trivial? Or, flipping that around, have you bought into the "go along to get along" concept, only to fume later?

The process of providing another person with a positive no has three stages: preparation, delivery, and follow-through. The book is divided into three Parts, each of which deal with one of these stages. Each Part contains three chapters, bringing the subtotal to nine chapters. The final (tenth, but unnumbered) chapter concludes the book by explaining the marriage of yes and no.

This book is a winner. If you practice its principles, both you and the recipient of your "no" will feel like--and be--winners, too. I must caution you, this book does not provide some simplistic formula or magic words to utter. It takes time to master the concepts and apply them correctly. Ury provides plenty of examples to show that doing so is well worth the effort.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Lifesaving book for those unable to say no...
By Amazon Customer
AMAZING book for anyone dealing with issues of saying no to others. This was recommended reading by my counselor to help deal with ongoing anxiety issues.. It is a lifesaver that I continuously use as a reference on a daily basis..

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